Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
