Pappa wants mamma naked
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
