Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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