you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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