is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
