Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
