I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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