his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
