This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is my gift to your gina
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
