She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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