i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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