Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
