If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All the doctor said was why
false alarm, still single
Randomize
