You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
