OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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