you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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