I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
