it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
