I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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