Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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