I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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