so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
