Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
