What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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