Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
