you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
