break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
