I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
