I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
