My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
