Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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