Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
