Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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