woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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