i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You pole danced in your parka.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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