I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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