so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
