the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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