And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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