I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
