just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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