you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
