her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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