Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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