I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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