hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
