I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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