i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
