he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
