i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
