ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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