Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I smell stomach acid.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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