Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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