Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
