hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
