It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
