Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
