Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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