The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
