watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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